Well, I was called to fast for an indefinite season and I allowed the enemy to weed me out of my fast. We all know the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. During this time, the enemy decided to steal the possible promises as a result of this fast, kill my fast, and destroy my thirst for the Lord. He did not succeed — all the way, at least. Here is how I knew I was being called to fast:
I had just got out of a toxic, very ungodly relationship. The relationship was brief but the enemy worked a lot throughout the entirety of the relationship. I cried for the first 24 hours after the initial breakup but the gag is I HAD BEEN PRAYING TO BREAKUP WITH THIS PERSON. I was like Lord, I am in a toxic situation and I need out. So He let me out…abruptly. (it was almost as if He was waiting on me to ask Him)
Anyways, we broke up. I cried for 24 hours and then I jumped into another situation with another guy. I didn’t give myself a chance to sin, but the thought was still there. And if it’s a thought I am pondering over then it must be in my heart, right? Right. I quickly noticed how toxic I was because I was so far out of God’s Will. I decided then and there that I would never again succumb to the sins of my former self and the lies and deceit from the enemy — Well, its definitely hard and I might even fall short sometimes, but I will no longer play into the “we’re humans, so we make mistakes” lie from the enemy.
It was during this time of recognition of my continued toxicity/sin that I realized that the body of Christ needed me, NOW. I needed Christ, like YESTERDAY. I needed God like never before. If I was going through all of these obstacles, turmoil, tribulations, and sin that MUST MEAN my breakthrough was NEAR and DEAR if only I could latch on to the promises of God and hold on for a little while longer I will see the fruits of my labor. It was then, I knew I needed to fast. I researched all of these water fasting videos on YouTube, began my fast, and I made sure EVERYONE knew that I was fasting and praying. And because I was fasting, that must mean others should — this is where the enemy stepped in. I had opened a door of pride and I made my fasting about me instead of my Lord and Savior.
And what happens when you open the door to the enemy? He steps right in. It is not even his fault because you let him in. *inserts shrugged shoulders*
So, because I allowed the pride and boastfulness to seep in, I then allowed the enemy to begin to whisper things that went against my fast. It was in this time, I began to ignore my call to fast.
“You can eat once a day.” Then, it quickly changed to, “It is the holidays, you have all the time in the world to fast.” First of all, I don’t have all the time in the world.
“Just fast so you can lose the weight.” “You can listen to this or that.” or “You can do this or that.” These are just some of the lies I began to listen to as I was fasting for myself and my spirit wasn’t growing and I quickly fell off the wagon and stopped fasting.
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God does not call us to fast so we can become prideful about what we are doing for God — as if this makes us superior to anyone else or that God even needs us. We need Him. Without me, God is still God. God needs as much discretion from you to you because your relationship with God is just that — your relationship. No one else can know or should know what goes on between you and the Lord. Your walk is a personalize walk that no one else can walk. People may try to walk and mimic your relationship with God and find themselves walking into a burning Hell. Vice versa, you can’t do what everyone else does because God called somebody else to do it, not you.
(I understand that this blog maybe a tool to reach others into the body of Christ through my testimonies, but GOD.)
The next fast I am called to, no one will know about. I am continuously praying for grace and mercy and discretion. Sometimes, I get so excited that I am finally living for Christ that I want to tell the world about it during my season of work. I believe there will be a time for me to disclose what God HAS done in this season I’m in right now, but I mustn’t allow my excitement to interrupt what He IS doing. If this is your season of working by sewing your seed into the ground, then you better grab that shovel and get to digging — get to WORK and stop talking so much, Saints. Your time for testimonies will come but you have to get through what you’re struggling with first.
I wanted to look like I am living for the Lord, I wanted to look like I am fasting by any means. The Bible says a Christian truly doing a fast for Jesus should still be upright and upbeat. The Bible says a hypocrite is someone who makes themselves look weak and discouraged during their time of fasting because they are doing it for people to ask about them. Telling others about my fasting endeavors and how hard fasting is and how much weight I am trying to lose by fasting does nothing but turn them away from God’s possible call for fasting on their life and pushes me further from God’s purpose for my life and for my fast.
I will end this with a prayer because we all need it:
Father God — Abba, I thank You for Your Son, Jesus. I believe He died on the cross for my sins and the sins of those who came before me. I believe He died so that the battle I am facing right now is already won. Father, I pray that you give me the grace and mercy to obey Your Word because if I don’t, my life will suffer. God, I ask that You cover me during this season of fasting and prayer and that this is ONLY for Your glory. God, You are amazing. God, I ask to you to shut my mouth during this season of discretion. For once all is said and done, others will be able to see that it is because of You that I have blessings. God, turn me away from wickedness. God, please do all these things. In Your Son, Jesus’s mighty name. Amen.
God is continuing to teach me, but I have to get in a place of total submission in order to learn what God has for me. But please know, what God has for me, it is for me and it shall come to pass.
Peace and blessings cover all your dwellings, Frances.
Frances J. Hawkins
Frances J. Hawkins 