I looked back, but the mercy of the Father didn’t turn me into a pillar of salt.

It is a rainy day in Mobile, AL. Apparently, there’s a storm brewing in the Gulf. However, everything I have heard for the past few days says, “The storm is over now.”

How can that be? The storm hasn’t even started yet.

What I hear is that the storm of doubt, obstacles, lust, rejection, struggle, tribulation, etc. —  that storm is over now. There is a pit in my chest that’s noticeable as I write to you for the first time in months. I would try to write but I allowed circumstance to pull me away from protecting — from perfecting my gift.

My words may not make sense to you, but it does to me. I was not writing in my prayer journal, my study journal, my weight loss journal, my thought journal…

What were you doing, Frances?

I was doing things through my will and my own account, yet still trying to incorporate God into a mix that he wanted no part of. We can call this “The Lookback.”

During the The Lookback, I was looking back at how I used to glitter and shine during my old ways of moving through life — when I was carnal and “lit” through sin. I started to miss how I used to be and  — for a short period of time — I lost sight of who I was becoming. The Lookback was one of those times where God showed me how gracious he STILL is towards me. Whenever Lot’s wife looked back, she was turned into a pillar of salt. However, God kept me. He instead showed me all of the emotions and feelings that came with the carnal lifestyle I wanted — the same sinful lifestyle I missed. He showed me the demonic forces couldn’t touch me as I traveled the straight and narrow. He showed me where I opened the door to make me touchable. God literally pulled me up from the mess I made and cleaned me up to make me appear white as snow.

I am thankful for the feelings of rejection I get. I know my battle is not with flesh and blood. I am thankful for the mistreatment I’ve been succumb to because I know it only brings me closer to the glory of God.

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God, I truly thank You for snatching me back from my arms of myself and my enemies. I know nothing without the wisdom of Your word. Thank You for guiding me where I should go. As I travel through flesh, I shall not depart from You.

Father, Your presence is here. I hope readers feel it as they read this. I am so grateful for this gift of life so I can spread the Gospel. Teach me.